Weight of choices: No One to Blame But Me

It's hard to survive when every decision is yours.

You don't know how it ends. There's no one to blame but you. Something goes wrong, and it's just you to keep yourself going.

I dropped out after college. The education system is too slow. A hopeless race.

My parents wanted me to continue. They don't know any better, and I can't blame them. But it was my choice. The first real, life-changing choice I ever made by free will.

If I'd continued, maybe I'd have landed a job after half my life was already gone. I could never live that way.

I want a richer life. Unanxious. Free.

So I started learning programming. The most accessible skill I could find. No clue how I'd actually earn from it.

Almost six months in, I got my first job. Stupidly simple, five dollars. But I did it, and realized maybe it wasn't all in vain.

Then a month passed with nothing. Anxiety.

Then, luckily, another job, and this one stretched ten months. Enough money to actually change how I lived. I bought a powerful computer with a real GPU. Played every game I'd dreamed about as a kid. Spent on in-game items I never could before.

It felt like freedom. Oh, sweet freedom.

Now three more months have passed. No job. Enough money to survive maybe two more.

And I'm back here, rethinking every choice. It hits hardest at a time like this.

What happens if I can't get a good job? What about AI? How do I face my parents?

Every decision I made led me here.

Will I actually fail at this? Fail to be free. To travel the world without anxiety gnawing at me. To have my dream house instead of the fucking rented square I live in right now.

I won't say I'm happy. Hell, I'm frustrated. But it would've been worse if I'd never made the choice.

There's no time left to regret it. There's only one way forward now: I figure something out.

That, I must.

 - Tabsir | Full Stack Dev